"Nesting"

“Nesting” is an arrangement whereby the children remain in the same house at all times while the parents take turns living in that house with the children, as opposed to the situation where the children pass between houses.

For some it is a wholly unworkable and terrible idea, for others it makes perfect sense.

The immediate and most obvious benefits are:-

1. The children remain in the same home

2. All of their friends remain local to them, and it avoids the potential for victimisation when it becomes known that they are passing from house to house

3. All of their belongings remain in one place, thus avoiding the need for all of the to-ing and fro-ing, and not having needed possessions with them when required.

However, there is a risk that the parents lives may become dominated by such an arrangement, and they do not move on, do not form new relationships, and the children are therefore denied seeing their parents settled into new lives or being reassured that their parents are “OK”.

There are a number of drawbacks, as was recently outlined in the case of A,B-v-C (Children: Nesting arrangement) Where the judge said “... In my judgement, it gives false promises to the children as to the reality of their parent’s separation. It deprives the children of spending quality time with their mother in the new home that she has established. It seems to me that to expect the mother to see the children away from her home directly impinges on her ability to be as good a mother to them as she possibly can be. It is not right that...these children should continue to be spending all of their time in the family home, which was once their parents’ home but is now the father’s, and is simply what is left after the parents’ marriage has long since come to an end”.

It may, however, be a useful temporary solution whilst financial matters are resolved between the parents and until such time as both parents have suitable accommodation in which to have the children staying them.

If you are considering entering into a nesting arrangement, it may be sensible to consider setting out the ground rules for behaviour, but it will need to be specifically tailor made to your individual circumstances. 

It is suggested that it is imperative to set out ground rules before such arrangements are put in place so as to avoid potential conflict, and there is little doubt that family and friends often have strong opinions on your separation and what is the right thing to do. 

It is important that open, honest, and frank conversations take place between the parents and, if age appropriate, the children, so that everybody has their expectations managed and fully understands the arrangements which are to be ongoing, at least for the short term future. 

The obvious question to be considered is “do you really think that this is going to work for everybody?” and “is this the best of the alternatives available for all concerned, particularly for the children?”